Saturday, March 8, 2008

Conan the Destroyer

This movie should have been a lot more fun. You've got actors who look like they're in a comic book, and not a particularly realistic comic book at that. Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like he's a Rob Liefeld character. I mean that literally; you know that ridiculous Captain America that Liefeld did? Well, check this out:

Crazy, right? The Captain America looks ridiculous, but that's what Arnold Schwarzenegger actually looked like. I mean, he was flexing for all he was worth, and Liefeld took that part out, but still. And in this movie, you've also got Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain running around. This should be incredible!

And it isn't, really. For one thing, they never really take advantage of Wilt's height. I understand that they don't want to make Arnold look small, but then what's the point of hiring a basketball player? Arnold's 6'2", but Wilt's OVER SEVEN FEET TALL! And his first appearance is sitting down next to someone who's lying down. That's crazy. When Bruce Lee fought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, they made sure Kareem looked freakishly tall, because that would be cool. I have no complaints about Grace Jones (who is awesome), but they could have used her more often.

One thing that would have improved the movie would have been to put in some sort of character-building scene between Wilt and Conan, where they maybe fight off some attackers together and bond over the experience. That way, when Wilt turns on him (spoilers!) there could be a moment of will-he-or-won't-he regret. But no!

Anyway, it's an acceptable fantasy epic the way they used to be (i.e. "not that great"); it's just not as good as the previous one.

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